For the past few months, I suffered from depression. I let every lie that satan could have  possibly conjured, to pierce my heart and break my soul. Overwhelming feelings of insecurity, fear, anxiety, being unworthy dictated my life. The way that I lived, the way that I viewed myself and others...  All the while, I was a Christian. I knew God, I knew Jesus, I had gone to church all my life, I knew the stories in the bible... But why was it so hard to focus? I was a sunday school teacher (ironically), sometimes in the worship team... I felt this mask of duality come and sweep over. I did not want to be transparent to my church because of the difficulties my church had gone through with a church plant, and trying to revive our ministries in finding a new pastor. People were discouraged, and all of a sudden one of their committed members was going through depression? I couldn’t believe that they would have accepted it very well.

For months, I engulfed myself into a world of sin. Feeding my fleshly desires, but not feeding my spirit... I wanted myself to get better, but why was it so hard to give up the thing that I was the most attached to? Every time I would turn around and say, “Lord, here is my life.” I’d make rules for myself saying, “I can’t do this, I shouldn’t do this...” Every action, every act of “worship” felt like a burden.

Reading this, I am reminded of the freedom that can be found in the in simplicity of knowing who we are... And by the GRACE of God and our newly found identity in Christ, that things can be made NEW, and that there is NOTHING that we do to deserve that identity.

In this excerpt it says, “I am a new creation... I am a saint... I am son of light and not of darkness... I am chosen by God, holy and dearly loved.” AND WE ARE!!!  Why can’t we believe it ourselves? We are LOVED, we are WANTED, we are SO VALUABLE in God’s eyes, but we ourselves believe satan’s lies that say, “we’re not good enough... we don’t have the potential... we don’t have what it takes... you’re not spiritual enough...” We believe these lies... But the LORD specifically told us... “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16). For God SO LOVED the world.

Last week at Tehillah, Pastor Steve spoke about Romans 12:1. “Therefore I urge you brothers and sisters in view of God’s mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -this is your true and proper worship.” One of the main things that struck me the most, was the concept of breaking fellowship.

Perhaps in believing these lies that satan produces, we’re breaking fellowship with God. We don’t even realize how much we break God’s heart by believing these things... He created us to be sons and daughters of light, of righteousness, coheirs with Christ and a royal priesthood... By the grace of God we are what we are. To believe in the impossibility of a miracle, is to doubt that God is sovereign and has the power to overcome the devil. Do we really believe it? And if so, why is there no change in our lives to prove it...“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26 NIV)

So to my brothers and sisters that are struggling... The LORD knows your pain. He feels your hurt. He’s waiting for you, and whether you know it or not, you are waiting for Jesus. You’re waiting for the hope in your life that will set things straight and make things right again.

For me, it didn’t take one worship service to turn me around... It took an encounter with God to change my life. Don’t go looking to other people for what you can receive as a full blessing from God himself... Part of the reason that my journey of being a christian for eight years and still not understanding the big picture of my identity and God’s love for me, was that I looked for the answers from people. But man cannot compensate for a one on one encounter with God... (This does not mean that pastors are not important. That is totally not my point). But God says again, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7 NIV)

What do we really want? Is it God? Because if it is, then we should be willing to give up everything, just as he’s given everything for us. He never said it would be easy, but He promises so much to those that are willing to listen and obey His commands. “But for those who are righteous, the way is not steep and rough. You are a God who does what is right, and you smooth out the path ahead of them.” (Isaiah 26:7 NLT) and “The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:24 NIV)

Personally, I think that’s worth more than anything this world has to offer us. He promises He’ll do it. So...“Therefore I urge you brothers and sisters in view of God’s mercy to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God -this is your true and proper worship” (Romans 12:1 NIV)